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In 2009, Philadelphia reporter and editor Ronnie Polaneczky put to bed a story on how a grieving mother dealt with the pain of her son’s death. It was a good story about overcoming a tragedy and how a mother turned to helping others. Yet not everyone liked it.
Another mother who also lost her son tragically didn’t care for the reporting. She phoned Polaneczky and told the reporter of her contempt for the story. For her, she couldn’t understand why one mother’s grief was greater than hers. What made one mother’s story worthy of publication? Why not cover them all?
Of course, it’s impossible for a reporter to cover every murder or death in a city. Yet the incident gave Polaneczky an epiphany. The mother wanted to be heard, to know someone cared. That someone listened.
So Polaneczky listened, really listened.
[Listening] has changed every one of my relationships. And I think it could change the world.
– Ronnie Polaneczky, reporter and editor at The Philadelphia Inquirer
Listening, more specific deliberate listening, is a critical skill for a journalist. It’s a reporter’s stock and trade. To get the scoop, you need to be a good listener. However, reporters are still human and aren’t always good at hearing what someone is actually saying. So, how can I conquer deliberate listening?
The incident with the other mother humbled Polaneczky and allowed her to learn the power of deliberate listening, as she further discusses in her TEDx.
Let’s breakdown how you can become a more deliberate listener.
Scroll through your social media and you’ll find a lot of people who are more concerned with being right than begin correct. Our need to be right is an outcome of our competitive culture.
As a result, our egos won’t allow us to admit when we’re wrong. Of course, this theory doesn’t hold true in every situation. However, one Forbes article points out the need to be right can stymie the ability to listen. If you’re too busy trying to prove your rightness, you aren’t really hearing what the other person is saying.
Here’s how you can overcome the knee-jerk need to be right:
The need to be right may come from our fears of being wrong. And that’s tied to our fear of failure, which can manifest as imposter syndrome. We fear if we’re wrong and don’t have the answers, we’ll be found out and shown the door.
To overcome this, you can adopt a growth mindset. This is where you see mistakes not as failures but as opportunities to learn and grow. You open yourself up to feedback, where challenges and unknowns are things to overcome rather than hold you down.
Here are a few tips to cultivating a growth mindset:
Listening allows you to make a real connection with your peers. After all, we’re social creatures who crave the company of others. Having interpersonal skills is critical to your workplace success.
If you can communicate and collaborate effectively, you’ll build a stronger bond with your colleagues. Think about it this way: no one wants to work with someone that’s stubborn, thinks they’re always right, and doesn’t listen.
Here’s how listening helps you connect with your peers and others:
There's more potential in our communication when we give up a little bit of our right to express ourselves so we can hear what the other person is saying.
Reporter Polaneczky’s life and work was transformed by the power of deliberate listening. You too can become a more deliberate listener. All it takes is starting to say a little less, so we can hear more.